One of the pillars of a successful relationship is respect. We need to respect our personal needs and values and those of our partners. If we do, we have a caring relationship, meaning the partners don't always agree. We grow when there is a balance of support and challenge. Then a relationship has vitality and energy.
Using the Transactional Analysis (T.A.) model, in a respectful relationship, "I'm OK, and you're OK" results in all parts of our personality being available in a relationship. This creates a rich and flexible texture to our lives.
In a disrespectful relationship, one partner is "careless" of the other, who then responds by being "careful." In Transactional Analysis (T.A.) terms, one is acting from an "I'm OK, but you are not" position (careless). At the same time, the other believes, "I'm not OK, and you are OK" (careful). This is a very limiting and abusive relationship. The lack of respect can lead to dangerous physical and psychological behaviour.
Now there are all kinds of relationships: with our partners, children, our employers and employees, with salespeople and with the government––yes, the people who oversee the running of a country. We also have a relationship with our physical body and spirit, impacting our well-being and longevity.
Back in the 1950s, imbalance in relationships was quite common. Typically, the woman was expected to be "obedient" to the man—it was even written into the marriage vows. This mentality quickly opened the door to an abusive relationship. The woman believed she should accept any treatment the man saw fit to give her.
In some cultures, women are considered to be of limited value. They just bear children and raise them. Once a woman has finished in that role, she has no other value. In different cultures, women can do so much more. They have careers, are financially independent, and can even conceive through artificial insemination. In the first case, women have a limited role and are considered useless after fulfilling their role. In the second case, men seem to be unnecessary. Both scenarios have an imbalance, and only half of society's creative energy is used. For real happiness, humans need to achieve a balance of the sexes.
While things have changed, we still have tyrants who can come from both sexes—male or female. Despite living in what we assume are democracies, many governments have abusive relationships with their citizens. This has never been more apparent than in the past three years.
A psychologist named Stephen Karpman developed a model called The Drama Triangle to demonstrate the disrespectful behaviour cycle that can become abusive.
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