We hear a lot today about the word Equity. It's a word that has been hijacked. The modern version is getting something for nothing. In other words, if we are of a certain race, colour or creed, we should have what the next person has, not because of merit but because of some established identity. Equity refers to the quality of being fair or impartial. So how do we get equity? Well, it all boils down to the Principle of Fair Exchange.
Let's say you walk through the front door of a dealership to check out the available cars. As the salesman approaches, you start to cringe—you know what's coming. He asks you how he can help, and he starts the sales pitch before you can respond in full. He tries to get you to purchase a model other than what you want. You feel as if you are being manipulated. In this interaction, you feel you are out of fair exchange.
You may now be wondering what this little vignette about selling has to do with relationships or, for that matter, money. A lot, as it turns out. Selling skills are essential in a successful relationship; a lack of them can spell doom. Every interaction involves selling in one form or another. Even monetary transactions reflect the art of selling and fair exchange.
For the past 50 years in practice, I would occasionally have a patient complain about having to pay for my services. I know that other doctors have had the same experience. I can remember on one occasion, a woman who was visiting from France came in to see me, and she complained because the government covered her chiropractic costs in France. I did point out to her that I wasn't living in France, and secondly, did she have to pay for her food, or did the government cover that cost? She didn't have an answer and grudgingly paid and even returned to see me for an additional visit.
The woman from France felt that she was out of fair exchange and was somehow getting less because she had to pay for my services. She thought I was charging more than she felt it was worth. It was merely a perception on her part.
In previous articles, I mentioned that there is a balancing mechanism. Everything strives to get back into balance. You can believe you received more than you deserved or gave more than the other person deserved. In either case, relationships will only sustain once things return to a fair exchange; you gave as much as you received. As I mentioned, this can apply to anything: relationships, money or even health.
The foundation of this dynamic can be explained by the diagram below:
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