Successful Relationships Take Planning And Asking The Right Questions

For most people their relationships with a partner is usually the most important thing in their lives. Yet, when it comes to working on them, we often give so little attention to making them successful. Instead we fly by the seat of our pants and expect things to just work out. One reason relationships often don’t work out is that we fail to plan. The old adage, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”, applies in so many cases.”

If we are in a relationship, this means determining what our current values are and those of our partner, then linking them to each other, as I set out a previous post. It also means being honest and asking yourself what you truly WANT your relationship to be.

What about if you are not in a relationship? How do you apply the idea of living purposefully, based on your own values, and how does that relate to the values of a potential partner?

Most of us are aware of what we don't want in a partner and can list a series of attributes that turn us off. However, we are not so clear about what we do want. We sometimes get confused when we find the negatives repeatedly appearing in new partners. Why does this keep happening?

If two people in a relationship become so distant from one another that they have little in common, the relationship can totally break up We see in some cases, where you have two people who are married, living under the same roof, but essentially leading separate lives. It’s as if they are renting space with a stranger. While some may find this situation convenient, and less costly than breaking up, it is rarely satisfying.

Focus on What You Want

By contrast, when you focus on what you do want and would love to have, then your brain's attention will be drawn to that in your environment. For example, if you are thinking about buying a blue car, suddenly the road seems to be full of blue cars. Your brain is now scanning "blue cars" into your awareness. There were exactly the same number of blue cars on the road as before, but you just didn't notice them.

So what are you focusing on in your life and what are you attracting? How do you stop recreating what you are seeking to avoid?